As I am sitting here at work I felt a burst of inspiration to write. Something that could not wait otherwise it would loose its fire and senserity. I just got finished watching Jada Pinkett Smith’s 2nd Red Table Talk in her new Facebook series and this weeks topics was on loss. And I must say it hit home. I cried. They didn’t just touch on loss as in a person no longer there, but loss in self. As a woman. On my blog I want to pride myself on being open and transparent with my audience. In the opening of the video, she had gotten a call that one of her friends had passed away. I remember her saying that she thought about the person and wanted to check on them and never did, now she never can. I experienced this when I lost my good friend BJ Smith to a stray bullet a few years back. I experience d a similar but more intense pain when I lost my grandmother two years ago. I am always afraid to forget her. But the loss I resignated with the most was the lost of self. I think a lot of times in our everyday lives, especially as women, we get so caught up in making sure everyone around us is okay that we forget to check on ourselves. There was a point in my life where I was fun. Party girl. Of course I have gotten older, I’m a mom, a daughter, a girlfriend, a friend. All the above but who is Amber. I got lost. I’m still lost. But I’m finding my way back. I lost sight of my goals trying to help others chase theirs. I made it so that if my environment was alright then I was alright. But after watching this video I was like wow, I am suffering from loss. I can’t help but feel that want to be selfish but it is not in me. Like they said, society puts these expectations out and it’s a lot of pressure. I have suffered from depression, sadness, anxiety and still working through those things. I felt like I was here floating with no purpose. No reason. A warm body. I will find Amber again. I have already started. For my ladies going through it. You are stronger then u think. Take time caring for yourself. No one will be mad at you for it. Be selfish sometimes. Don’t try to place yourself in a perfect box because it will not happen. You are you. Cherish that. Love that. Everything after that will fall into place if it’s Gods will. I hope you found this insightful. I would love to right more like this for u.
Amber Marie Mack